How To Write a Budget

Tips and tricks for writing a multi-million dollar library budget...in one day.

Assemble tools, which include but are not limited to:

*budget forms

*pen and pencil

*cupcakes for breakfast, Sun Chips for lunch

*cigarettes

*gallon o' Diet Pepsi

*adding machine

*number whiz and good buddy to run adding machine

*cell phone

Then, you will need to...

*lock yourself in a meeting room so as not to be disturbed

*use a cell phone to call for information from inside the library

*crunch numbers, and pencil them in

*call the Board President for back-up

*when the Board President can't help, have *him* call for backup

*have the backup (who is several states away) call you back early next week to help with the ONE MAGIC NUMBER that NO ONE CAN FIGURE OUT WHERE THE HELL IT CAME FROM ON PAST BUDGET FORMS

Be sure to...

*Summon people to the meeting room on occasion to consult on some numbers

*take a quick trip into the library when a rainstorm starts and the roof in your office, and your office only, begins leaking like a waterfall

*Take advantage of the restorative powers of Koodie Hoo's for lunch to gear up for an afternoon of more number crunching, erasing, adding, calling and beat of thy head against a table

*Wear comfortable clothing (NIN shirt, jeans, Doc Martens) for sprawling on floor in despair

*Stop at 5pm - there's no need to have something like a little budget encroach on your weekend.

Take it from us - this method works every time! :-)